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You're Not What I Expected: Love After the Romance Has Ended, by Polly Young-Eisendrath
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A Jungian analyst follows four struggling couples through therapy, locating the psychological predicament at the root of their troubles and pointing the way toward mature dependence. 75,000 first printing. $50,000 ad/promo.
- Sales Rank: #1950690 in Books
- Brand: Brand: Fromm Intl
- Published on: 1997-10
- Original language: English
- Number of items: 1
- Dimensions: 8.25" h x 6.00" w x 1.00" l,
- Binding: Paperback
- 416 pages
- Used Book in Good Condition
From Publishers Weekly
Along with reciprocal trust and shared power, dialogue between equals "on a personal and public level" is essential to the experience of full intimacy in heterosexual relationships. So argues Jungian therapist and feminist Young-Eisendrath ( Hags and Heroes ) in this persuasive guide. In accessible language, she demonstrates that culture, not biology, promotes the gender-based stereotypes that, along with shattered dreams, often prevent couples from establishing true intimacy. The reader sits in on intensive sessions of "dialogue therapy" as practiced by the author and her social worker husband, Ed Epstein, with four composite couples. In addition to aiding the husbands and wives in facing their own and each other's limitations and negative feelings, these dialogues are intended to foster "mature dependence" and to lead the couples to the recognition that attachment and suffering go together.
Copyright 1993 Reed Business Information, Inc.
Most helpful customer reviews
17 of 17 people found the following review helpful.
In a class all its own
By Kasha Frese
Dr. Young-Eisendrath's thesis is that ours is the first era in history when men and women en masse have the potential to have emotionally intimate, honest relationships. In the past the power in a male-female relationship was too off balance for true intimacy.
Since this potential is a recent phenomenon, very few models exist for a gender-opposite relationship based on equality. The good doctor builds such a model, based on extensive research, and it is flexible enough for all of us.
7 of 7 people found the following review helpful.
An Important Premise
By R. MARK Plummer
Wow! I cannot believe this phenomenal book has only one review (so far, or right now) I ordered it after reading another title by the same author ('Resilient Spirit' - another very worthwhile book, by the way, about transforming suffering into growth & insight... and that topic applies to just about everybody on the planet, eh? After all, the very fundamental premise of Buddhism is that suffering is a cold hard fact. How we learn to deal with it, understand it, approach it, and ourselves, etc is the important work of each lifetime and yes in addition to being a Jungian analyst the author is also a follower of the Buddhist path.) Now, back to this book: I ordered it after reading 'Resilient Spirit' and by the time I had read the first 100 or so pages I wanted to share it with nearly everyone I know... I was thinking "Everyone could benefit from this!" I ended up loaning my copy to my therapist who immediately made many approving sounds about the author's premise (at least in the introduction).
Seriously, anyone who is in a relationship, married, dating, whatever, could benefit from what Ms Eisendrath shares in this book. It won't necessarily be an easy ride but it will open up some (many!) eyes and many hearts (hopefully!) with it's clear and patient wisdom. AND the amazing thing is - looking at the prices above here... one can have a copy of this for less that is cost to print the thing!
Eisendrath's basic premise in "You're Not What I Expected" starts with true gender equality which historically has not been possible until recently because of entrenched cultural attitudes and biases. Let's grow, let's evolve, let's move into the next logical phase of human development (one that is long long overdue!) by taking advantage of this historical opportunity for actual equality and real partnership with our most intimate companions. If you've read Riane Eisler's "Power of Partnership" check this book, it is sure to be of interest to you and will expand your thinking (and feeling) on a topic that it both important and "close to home."
1 of 1 people found the following review helpful.
HUGE book and "hard" reading with a life change
By David Hanc
this is a HUGE book to read. just at the start but already im having my thoughts about relationship reworked, and how to deal with them. really fascinating book and even it's hard reading and the self-reflection afterwards ist at least for me devastating but life changing. if you want just easy reading, don't get this, if you want some real insight into what you feel - GO GO GO and buy it!
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