PDF Ebook Face It, by Vivian Diller Ph.d, Jill Muir-Sukenick Ph.D.
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Face It, by Vivian Diller Ph.d, Jill Muir-Sukenick Ph.D.
PDF Ebook Face It, by Vivian Diller Ph.d, Jill Muir-Sukenick Ph.D.
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Let’s face it: everyone’s getting older. But millions of women, raised to believe that success and happiness are based on their intelligence and accomplishments, face an unexpected challenge: the physical realities of aging. If looks are not supposed to matter, why do so many women panic as their appearance changes? Their dilemma stems from two opposing societal views of beauty which lead to two different approaches to aging. Should women simply grow old naturally since their looks don’t define them, or should they fight the signs of aging since beauty and youth are their currency and power? This Beauty Paradox leaves many women feeling stuck. Face It, by Vivian Diller, Ph.D., is a psychological guide to help women deal with the emotions brought on by their changing appearances. As a model turned psychotherapist, Diller has had the opportunity to examine the world of beauty from two very different vantage points. This unique perspective helped her develop a six-step program that begins with recognizing “uh-oh” moments that reveal the reality of changing looks, and goes on to identify the masks used to cover deeper issues and define the role beauty plays in a woman’s life, and ends with bidding adieu to old definitions of beauty, so women can enjoy their appearance—at any age!
- Sales Rank: #583164 in eBooks
- Published on: 2010-02-15
- Released on: 2010-02-15
- Format: Kindle eBook
About the Author
Vivian Diller, Ph.D. is a clinical psychologist in private practice in New York City. Prior to becoming a therapist, Diller was a professional dancer with the Cincinnati Ballet Company and a model represented by Wilhelmina Models. Diller went on to earn a Ph.D. from the Albert Einstein College of Medicine, Yeshiva University, and a postdoctoral degree in psychoanalysis from NYU. She has served as a consultant to a major cosmetics company and has been featured in The New York Times, Forbes, The Huffington Post, Daily Mail, andOprah.com. She has also appeared on national television discussing issues surrounding beauty and aging.
Most helpful customer reviews
119 of 121 people found the following review helpful.
Adds to Anxiety
By Jeani Rector
I don't know why the other reviewers seem to like this book so much, perhaps they are friends of the authors. But I don't know the authors from Adam, and I am a woman who is heading down the aging path, so here is my take on the book.
FACE IT seems to be entirely made up of asking various women the same questions: "When did you first realize you were getting old? When was that 'uh-oh' moment when you realized you are losing your looks?"
Over and over again. We get it. There are women who are afraid of losing their looks. Lots of them, according to this book.
But where are the chapters about what to do about it emotionally, how to cope, and were are instructions to feel good about ourselves? Only the last few pages are given to that, and even that seems to be just a brief over-view.
In the meantime, we hear about a women whose husband constantly cheats on her with younger women. That is supposed to help us? She leaves him only to realize that being a 50-year-old single parent is hard and depressing. We needed to know this from a book?
Then how about the woman who is so afraid that younger women will take her job that she cannot sleep at night. Well guess what: this is a 25-year-old! Sure, she is a model, but what message does it tell us when 25-year-olds are worried about aging? Again, we needed to know this?
Why can't we read about strong women who change their lives for the better when they retire, such as those who take up oil painting, creative writing, or volunteer to feed the homeless? Why doesn't this book encourage women to pursue the things they are passionate about? Where is the meaning? No, this book focuses on the superficial; it seems to encourage women to study themselves in the mirror.
I see no benefits from this book for older women, just continuous messages to increase the aging anxiety. FACE IT repeatedly stresses how this is a society that values youth, that only sees youth as beautiful. Written by two former models, this book concentrates on looks. No matter what it promises, it seems to give the message that when you lose your looks, you are doomed in our society. Husbands will cheat with younger women.
Therefore, I feel the title and the cover is misleading. Sure, it does ask women what they feel about losing their looks (and the authors seem to find insecure women who are depressed about it) but the second part of the title: 'what to do about it', is pretty much non-existant. The entire book seems to be filled with women talking about how awful they feel about getting old.
If you want such a negative and anxiety-provoking book, go for it. Me, I am going to throw it away. I would never give it away, because I would not wish this awful book on any of my women friends. I care about my friends too much for that.
68 of 69 people found the following review helpful.
Aging = dead woman walking? Not after reading this book!
By Peggy Halsegan
This slim little volume is a deep book. The authors explain how women today have many years left to live, but are afraid to go there. We all have the day where we realize the world no longer sees us as we see ourselves, and little bit of us kind of dies inside. We can't look to our mothers as role models, they weren't forced to pretend they were eternally 20 to remain in the game. As the authors point out, we can't pretend to be eternally 20 either. We owe it to ourselves and our daughters to model a better way of growing older. Letting go of our youthful image, say the authors, "does not mean denying youth or repressing youthful memories. [As in adolescence] it means saying goodbye [to your young version of yourself] to make room for what comes next."
We all know our culture links youth with beauty; the authors tell us not to punish ourselves for trying to live up to such an unreasonable standard. We can't get any younger, it's just not gonna happen. So how do we face the fear--the real fear here--of becoming unloved, unlovable, marginalized, dead-to-the-world, still-walking-around female human beings? These galz give us a road map. I can't do it justice in this short review, but I think their case studies and practical suggestions are gold.
When young women can't imagine what they'll do with their lives after they turn 50, then we need to show them. It's the least we can do for them, and ourselves.
61 of 64 people found the following review helpful.
Solid steps for any type of change in life
By N. Taylor
I really loved this book. It is not a book about about staying beautiful nor is it a book full of trite pop psychology mantra about how beauty is within. The truth is that we do possess inner beauty but in this culture, our outer beauty is still important.
The authors have an incredible insight on the psychological effects of women aging. As a former beautiful co-ed turned middle age suburban housewife/professional counselor/mother, I couldn't agree more with the authors take on beauty and the aging woman. We go through an "Uh-oh" moment and thus begins our journey. For me it was when the cute guy flirted shamelessly and I realized his target was my little girl. Little meaning 14 years old and 5'7".
The authors' approach to the aging process is to resolve the beauty paradox. Through specific steps and anecdotal evidence based on their combined years of private practice, the authors guide the reader through the process. Frankly, the steps could be used for any life altering event.
Step 1. Turn Uh-Oh moments into Ah-ha moments.
Step 2. The only mask you wear should be made of honey and yogurt. Essentially, aging is not a dirty word. Come out of hiding and accept the outer self you are becoming
Step 3. Talk back to your internal dialogues. What is the message you are hearing in your head? Reframe it.
Step 4. Give Mom her due. Take the best of her and leave the rest behind. Her aging process is not the same as your own. The cultural experiences are different. It's not your mother's fault. Or your father's. Or your own. Again, reframe the experience.
Step 5. Use adolescent memories instead of repeating them. Remember how awkward we felt growing into our bodies and fashions? Avoid the impulsive decisions we made back then.
Step 6. Saying Goodbye is hard to do. But saying goodbye to something is the first step to saying hello to another.
The authors provide excellent and personal insight into the journey of the aging woman. The aging woman can be anybody from 23 to 93. The authors are really guiding the reader in accepting any kind of change that is difficult.
Highly recommend this book to anybody - but especially the woman of any age going through tumult due to aging, infidelity of either partner, illness, etc.
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